Thursday, February 14, 2002

The morning after...

After a post-show night of keroke until the early hours of the morning my reflections on the show are this: Very, very difficult to keep the live dialogue running at all times, I found I was often distracted by my own words and thoughts amidst moving. However, despite the self-critism that comes along in re-hashing how “good” I looked on stage, I feel that the overall concept was delivered clearly and our intention behind the movement was strong.

Immediate feedback from the audience was a mixed bag. As a general rule immediate post-show critiques are a challenge to take in. I always feel quite vulnerable and if I can’t hear anything good I tend not to want to hear it. In saying this, I hope that the director of the theatre isn’t of the same mind, as I received no comment from him at all. Over-sensitive? Perhaps, but these are the thoughts of the morning after...and having just struggled to get that 2nd cup of coffee down I feel justified in my fragile self-esteem.

What I really need is that phone to be ringing off the hook with promoters anxious to get their hands on this excellent piece of art.....Contrary to this, I shall be spending the latter part of my hung-over morning trying to find out just who did manage to make it to the show, who is interested in receiving a video tape of the work, who is willing to book appointments with me to discuss further opportunities for performance, and finally who wants to give me money to make more dance! Ah, these are the real issues at do I justify taking a financial loss every time I undertake this endeavour of making dance....when do I say, “This is the last time I make a piece of work without funding” (and really mean it!).

As new agey as this may sound, I must make dance. I love and hate the whole process, but there is no where I’d rather be (except maybe on the beach in Cali) than in a dance studio, making something from nothing, calling the shots about what movement happens when and why....It is the mental work as much as the physical that I enjoy, being in control, feeling satisfied after finding that one missing link between phrases.....feeling the mind get really quiet when the body takes over and suddenly you feel so beautiful....

So, even if no one ever gives me money or critics rip my work to shreds, I’ll still make dance cause it keeps me happy and it makes me feel like I am spending the moments of my life doing something worthwhile.....


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